I have made an executive decision not to work out today. I know that I will feel bad about this later, but I am just not feeling up to the challenge today for some reason. I know it's because today's workout is supposed to be Legs and Back AND Ab Ripper X and I HATE that workout. Since I did Cardio yesterday, I don't want to substitute that again. So, I"m going to take today off in hopes that I can get Kenpo in tomorrow and then possibly work out on Sunday with Cardio. Or not. We'll see.
I'm in such a weird mood today. The weather is beautiful and Tenley and I spent a good chunk of the morning at the park. She was in the swing for a little bit, and then we sat in the grass and she played with her pink car. It was very relaxing. I look at the rest of the day and night ahead of us (alone) and just feel a little bummed. Here it is Friday night and we have no plans. John is off drinking and having a great time with his friends and won't be back until tomorrow morning, and he is doing the same thing ALL WEEKEND next weekend. I don't want to be ungrateful because he works hard so I can stay home (and that's what I want- to stay home) but I never get to do anything fun anymore. It just seems like his life really hasn't had to change at all and he can do whatever he wants whenever he wants without having to think about packing a diaper bag, working around naps, feeding a baby, being home by 8:30 for bedtime...it kind of sucks once in awhile. Before we had Tenley it didn't bother me so much because if he went out after games or with his friends, I could go to a movie or shop or whatever. I just get really sick of sitting around this house night after night by myself with only a baby to talk to. I know you other parents are thinking, "Cry me a river, wait until you have 2 or 3" or "What did you think would happen when you had a baby?" but since next to no one reads this anyways, I thought it was a good place to vent. I love, love, LOVE Tenley and love being a mom- I am just not used to that solely defining me these days. The last time I went out with people in a social situation without Tenley and not just me and John was for Becky's birthday February 3rd. Just to put things in perspective.
Enough whining. I think that after Tenley naps I am going to pack her up and go to Merrillville to Babies R Us to find her some shoes and to get the remaining supplies for her party at Hobby Lobby. I am then going to treat myself to Potbelly's for dinner and then we girls will come home and snuggle until she goes to sleep. It's not like I would rather be drinking green beer over snuggling with my baby anyways. I know I am where I'm supposed to be, I just wish my brain would wrap itself around this fact so I could stop feeling so selfish for wanting to get out once in awhile.
22 days and counting...
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It isn't just the stay at home-moms that experience your feelings, the working moms do too! Let's face it, we are basically the ones that do it all, with some help from our spouse or significant other. I hate it when Harvey has to travel for work. The longest he's been away is a 7 days last June and man those were the longest seven days. It was one thing when she was an infant but a whole other one when she is a toddler who likes to have her own opinion on things. And you need to take time for yourself! It took me until Reagan was almost 2 before I decided to go back to a gym and then a half a year later I took up yoga and then running/walking. You have to take time for yourself and don't feel guilty about it - the old saying "If Momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy" is very true! You have plenty of people who'd love to babysit Tenley so take advantage of the offers, even if it is just an hour or two to go have lunch with a friend.
ReplyDeleteI have some wonderfully cute little outfits for Miss Tenley, so text me when you are going to be in-town next and I will stop by with them!
ReplyDeleteAbout your post...you are a wonderful mother and sometimes the guys just don't understand the stress that women put themselves under. I know that I am not a mom, but I am a wife and there are times when I get frustrated because I am always the one doing the chores or cleaning, not to mention wrangling 25 kindergartners all day. I am exhausted!! Before I started in my own classroom this year it wasn't bad, because I was home at a regular time and I didn't have as many meetings to attend etc. I took me finally telling Adam how I felt and that I needed him to help. Maybe you could talk with John and let him know how you are feeling...he might not know how it bothers you. Just a thought and hopefully some encouraging words. Hope you get to feeling better soon and let me know when you are in town! I would love to stop by and see you guys! :)
Hugs and Love,
Lindsay