My Bossy-Ass Dog

I know it's been awhile but, alas, the start of the school year has arrived which means the end of my freedom and my sanity. It has been a wonderful summer but I will now return to the world of incorrect courses, teenage meltdowns, and- worst of all- a regular schedule. As this summer comes to an end, I have taken some time to reflect on the awesomeness of my favorite season. John and I did a lot- camped, canoed, tanned, ate, slept, and spent a lot of quality time together and with our dogs. During this quality time, I have come to realize something that I must have known all along- my four pound yorkie Rudy is one bossy bastard. Anyone who has come into contact with Rudy can probably attest to this fact in some way, but it is only when you spend hours on end with this dog for days at a time do you come to fully appreciate his full-fledged attitude problem. I will outline some of the telltale signs in this post.

When I heard that Rudy was born and available for purchase, it was the happiest day of my young 24 years. I had been waiting for a yorkie to come available from this particular breeder since high school and year after year I was disappointed. When I finally arrived at the breeder's house to meet Rudy, he came to greet me as a tiny little puffball full of energy. It only took a few seconds for me to fall in love with him, and I quickly agreed that he needed to be mine. The only problem was, I couldn't take him home for another two weeks. The breeder was nice enough to hold him for me and I counted the days until me and my little dog baby could be reunited.

The day I went to pick up Rudy to bring him home was highly anticipated. When I arrived at the house once again, the breeder had everything packed up and met me at the door with a look of what I can only call relief on her face. She told me, "We've had a lot of fun with Rudy and we are sad to see him go. You need to watch out for him- he has a bit of an attitude." Inside my head I thought, "What in the world is she talking about? There is no way that this little ball of love could ever be anything other than perfect." Her husband proceeded to tell me that when Rudy gets an "attitude" I need to force him on his back, look him in the eyes, and show him who's boss. Yeah right, whatever dude.

The next few weeks were full of me and Rudy getting to know each other. He was PERFECT. Except for when he peed on the carpet. And pooped in the house. And used his adorable little (sharp) baby teeth to chew on my cabinets. And peed on me. And BARKED. And humped me and my roommate over and over. Other than that, our relationship was proceeding swimmingly. After awhile, my roommate moved out and Rudy and I were on our own together for the better part of a year. We went through a major move together and I found myself confiding in Rudy a lot. This apparently gave Rudy a big head and he decided that he he could be the boss of me. A perfect example- any time I would talk to my mom on the phone, Rudy would sit on my stomach, stare at me, and grumble at me. These grumblings would be snotty little growls where he would shake his head like a sister and occasionally stamp his foot. Not kidding. My mom would ask, "What is that noise" and I would have to tell her that Rudy was upset with me for being on the phone and ignoring him. Rudy was swiftly moving into the role of my abusive, possessive boyfriend.

As time moved on, Rudy further proved to be king of the world. He prances around like he owns any place he is in and even manages to prance when he runs. If Rudy happens to fancy a bit of food that you are trying to enjoy, you better watch your back. That dog once dragged an entire piece of pizza out of my mouth when I was already biting it and also ninja jumped up to the height of a coffee table to take a huge bite out of a Foltz's bakery role. Right in front of my dad. This dog has no shame.

When John gave me Zoey, Rudy temporarily went into Doggy Depression. If Rudy had an E! True Hollywood Story made about him, this section would have really sad music and someone like Doctor Drew would talk about his suicidal ideations. Rudy lost his prance and became a shell of his former self. Zoey quickly grew to twice his size and bullied him constantly. I can remember a time when we were at the lake and Rudy was walking slowly down a hill in a wide open space. Zoey decided that she was going to run down the hill and instead of running around Rudy, she ran OVER him. Rudy had met his match.

As Rudy and Zoey got used to each other, Rudy's attitude started to come back in full force. It is hard to get used to Rudy, but he had a special bond with John's roommate Jason and I think that he helped bring Rudy out of his funk a little. Rudy may even have a framed picture of Jason over his bed if he could. Rudy started grumbling again, Rudy started barking again, and Rudy started stealing food again. Good ol' Rudy.

The past two years that John and I have been married, Rudy has grown comfortable in his permanent surroundings. As I write this now, I am in bed and Rudy has been standing beside the bed for going on 25 minutes, whining and growling and begging to come up with me. I'll give him one thing- the dog is persistent. He would stand on his little toothpick legs until one snapped off if it meant that he got his way. I hope Rudy's spirit never breaks again because I would hate to see him go down that hopeless spiral of a few years ago- I'd just appreciate it if he would quit bossing me around once in awhile and thank me for putting food on his table. Until then, I will continue to care for him and succumb to his demands. He's my best bud and that's the way we roll.