My Chocolaty Dogs

I love Easter. It is my favorite holiday by far. Call me weird, whatever. First and foremost, I love Easter morning when Spring is in the air and even though we get up at the crack of dawn to go to sunrise service, everyone there is in their pastel frocks and shiny new shoes. Even the bedraggled kids in church are in new clothes and seem sweeter. It is a day of new beginnings and remembering what has been sacrificed for us to be here. Another great part of Easter is the family dinner where it is finally warm enough to play whiffle ball and Uncle Bernard doesn't have to hide the Easter eggs in snow. All in all, it ends up being the perfect day.

You may ask why I am writing about my favorite holiday weeks after it has already happened. The reason for this post today stems from the fact that my most favorite part of Easter, the thing I look forward to most at this time every year, was taken from me today. Worst of all, it was taken from me by the two things (non-human, that is) that I love most in this world...my dogs. This thing they took? MY EASTER CANDY. My beloved marshmallow egg. My awesome carmel egg. My delicious covered pretzel. All. Gone.

Every year that I am home for Easter, my wonderful mother takes on the role of Easter Bunny and gives everyone present on Easter morning their very own Easter basket. This particular year's Easter basket was especially yummy and included Reese's peanut butter eggs, marshmallow bunnies, Peeps, and several unique pieces of candy from LaGrange's local candy factory, Plyley's. I was looking especially forward to this Plyley's candy which is why I had been rationing it and saving it until last to eat. Little did I know that my dogs would go all bloodhound on my ass and grab the bag of candy out of a very secure hiding place and proceed to EAT. IT. ALL. Jerks.

I arrived home from school today and everything seemed normal enough. Both dogs greeted me at the door,happy as ever to see me. Little did I know that they were harboring a dark secret which would soon be revealed. As I walked through the house, I began to see pieces of brightly colored foil covering the floor. That's when I encountered the scene of the crime: our bedroom. There, sitting in the middle of the room, was the large plastic bag which had, until this morning, stored my stash of goodies. In its place was a pack of gum, several Mentos, and a bunch of wrappers. My first thought: "How are my dogs still breathing?" My second thought: "Now I'll never get to taste the sweet goodness that was the rest of my Easter candy!" Seriously a heartbreaking experience. Now, what do I have to look forward to? Instead of sitting in bed, enjoying the sweet flavors of chocolate and carmel mixed together, I have to strain my ears to make sure that my dogs aren't barfing on the couch or dry-heaving in the kitchen. As they sit here and stare at me with those wide, sweet, puppy dog eyes, I can only imagine what they are thinking- "There you go, be-yotch- that's for all the hot dogs, pizza, and hamburgers you never let us have. We enjoyed every minute of your Easter candy and can't wait to screw you over again the next chance we get." So, to Rudy and Zoey, I have this to say, "I love you, but mommy will never forgive you. She will never get back Easter 2010 because of you, and you have that on your consciences. I pity you and your poison-ridden stomachs right now." Hopefully they will be alive in the morning and all of this will end up being a bad memory. Until then, here's to the candy that will never be and the lovely doggy gifts that I will inevitably be cleaning up over the next 24 hours. FML.