Have You Ever Heard of "Yield to Pedestrians" A-HOLE?!?

Have you ever had a day where you just despise people? From the moment you wake up, anyone who crosses your path is just bound to annoy the crap out of you? That was me today. I rolled out of bed, just as unhappy as ever that it was Monday and I had to go to work. Now I am happy to have a job, but Mondays just blow. Even John's nonsensical talking to himself and rapping annoyed the crap out of me this morning more than any other morning EVER. I left the house a little late but managed to arrive at school early and was greeted by the pouting face of a the parent of one of my students demanding to have her student switched from on teacher's class to another. I am never in the mood to deal with parents first thing in the morning and ESPECIALLY not with parents whose students have been told multiple times that this switch is ABSOLUTELY NOT POSSIBLE. That meeting did not end well. Do these kids think that I am just blowing smoke up their arses when I speak? Seriously. My position in life is not to make your life miserable. It is quite the opposite in fact. So when I tell you that something can't be done, please don't cry to mommy or daddy...be an adult and realize that you CAN'T ALWAYS GET WHAT YOU WANT, LIFE IS NOT FAIR, AND THERE IS NO SANTA CLAUS. (I just threw that last one in for good measure. I hope there is no one under the age of 10 reading this blog- for many reasons)

My day continued as such and I was thankful that the person-to-person contact I had to endure was at a bare minimum. My one saving grace is that my co-workers are all awesome and all must have been able to get up on the right side of the bed because they were an absolute pleasure to be around today. As my day came to an end and I had a whole afternoon ahead of me to do whatever my little heart desired, I thought that maybe the first half of it had been a fluke and it would get a little bit better once I was at home.

When I returned home, my puppies greeted me at the door as usual and, after a quick potty break, curled up with me for a nap. I was able to read two chapters in the book that I am currently shuffling my way through before conking out to a dead sleep for a little over an hour. Since I have fallen into this pattern lately, I set my alarm for 6 so that I could get up, go for a run, and shower before dinner. Once my alarm rang, I was not really in the mood to run but considered that my punishment for napping like a four year old in the middle of a Monday.

My run started out normal enough. My muscles were screaming because I had completed a ten mile run the day before and probably shouldn't have pushed it today. But, a wise friend named Beth once told me that if you work out and your muscles hurt, they are going to hurt even more if you don't use them the next day. I flipped my ipod to the sounds of Glee (which is very inspirational running music if you haven't tried it) and set off to complete my anticipated 3.5 miles. About a mile in, I thought my legs might disintegrate. Now, I can't fault them- after the ten miles I ran yesterday I was so in love with the little things for not breaking off of my torso at any given point today. Still, they are LEGS. They apparently have not received the memo in my 29 and a half years of life that such things like walking and running are what they were CREATED for. The sooner they realize that, the sooner they will be OK with being used. Especially "Old Lefty" which houses my bum knee that gives me problems every once in awhile. Note to Old Lefty: suck it up- you are a good 30 years away from a knee replacement.

The route I run is a 3.5 mile circle that starts at my house, goes up Ridge Road for a bit, cuts down Beech and down Ridgeway for that entire stretch before going back up Crestwood and all the way down Ridge back to Beech and Ridgeway. For those of you not from NWI, I'm sorry for the non-sensical description. I might as well have just described the stops on the underground railroad. For those of you from NWI, you will identify with me that walking/running/biking/boarding up or down Ridge can be a hazard because there is a street break at every block, all of which may hold cars turning onto Ridge from those streets or off of Ridge onto those streets. Although I listen to my ipod, I consider myself a pretty considerate runner. If I see a car approaching the stop sign at one of these streets, I tend to slow to assess the situation. Usually this is not a problem. Until tonight. When I was almost run over not one but TWO TIMES by a-hole drivers. Incident number one happened on my way down Ridge when I noticed a great big Tahoe stopped at a stop sign ready to turn left onto Ridge Road. That guy was on his cell phone and was an Illinois driver. Enough said. The second occasion was a little more serious and is outlined in the next paragraph.

I am running and have just finished about 2.5 miles of my run. I am tired, Old Lefty is giving me issues, and I just want to be at home. I am running back up Ridge Road when I approach a block break where a truck is waiting to turn on to Ridge Road. There are cars coming from both directions and there is no way that he can go with all the traffic, so I know that he will stay put. I also make direct eye contact with him as I approach the crosswalk, so I know he sees me. As I am getting ready to cross, I look over my shoulder to make sure no one is turning right. There is a car approaching a ways behind me with his blinker on, but with plenty of time for me to cross before he turns, so I go ahead and cross. AND THE A-HOLE HONKS AT ME. To which I STOP RUNNING, TURN AROUND, and yell at the TOP OF MY LUNGS like a five year old "HAVEN'T YOU EVER HEARD OF YIELD TO PEDESTRIANS A-HOLE?!?? WE HAVE THE F-ING RIGHT OF WAY" before spinning on Old Lefty and continuing my jog. I was so fired up that I increased my pace which made me feel even worse. The NERVE of some people!!

I have a love/hate relationship with pedestrianism. I will never forget the first time that I felt truly empowered as a pedestrian. It was when I was in the 7th grade and I visited my cousin Cheri down at IU. We were walking along Kirkwood (which, little did I know, would be the scene of many shopping trips and escapades in my own college life) when we came to a crosswalk. My cousin Cheri took the Chuck Norris approach and just blindly walked into the middle of the street, paying no mind to oncoming traffic or the fact that she was inches away from being ground into the pavement by Kilroy's. The rest of us hung back on the curb and I remember physically gasping as a car slowed and stopped for her with no stop sign or anything. She turned back to us in the middle of the street (with the car patiently waiting for her) and said, "What are you guys waiting for? People always stop for pedestrians. You don't even have to look!" And from that point on during the weekend, I became the most careless pedestrian on the planet and stepped out in front of every oncoming car to test the boundaries. Cheri was right every time. I wish this same theory were true in Chicago. I believe that the rule still applies- people yield to pedestrians purely because they come in such massive walls of humanity that they can't help it. They just aren't as nice about it as people in Bloomington. Which brings me to the in-between people of NWI.

As I continued my jog after this particular incident, I couldn't help but imagine what would have happened if that guy would have run me over. I had myself convinced that I would have been OK with taking one for the Pedestrian Runners of America team to teach all of those hot-headed drivers out there that just because they are driving a two-ton death machine, they can't rule the roads. I could only imagine that after he had run over me and I had departed this world, I would be smiling down from heaven (hopefully not smiling up from Hades) as the police officer stood over my lifeless body and the driver tried to talk his way out of it. I would rejoice when the police officer finally said, "I hope you know what you've done, Bud (I imagine the driver to be a "Bud" or a "Butch" or a "Harry"), because I have to arrest you for involuntary manslaughter and reckless driving. If only you had yielded to pedestrians like we first taught you in driver's ed, this poor, beautiful girl with killer legs and and an even kinder spirit (embellishing a little, I know, but it is my hypothetical death we are talking about) wouldn't be lying here broken at the intersection of Ridge and Parkiew." Bud, with tears in his beady little eyes, would fall to his knees and yell "Why couldn't I have just followed simple traffic laws and acts of common courtesy?" and all of his dreams would flash before his eyes: killing that big buck, chugging beer at this summer's tractor pull, getting his girlfriend's name tattooed on his rear end, getting this season's latest camo coveralls, all because he couldn't follow the Golden Rule of traffic safety. I almost feel sorry for Bud. Wait, he hypothetically ran me down...I guess I don't feel so bad for him after all.

I guess today just goes to show that people can be a-holes no matter where you are. If "Bud" is reading this, I want him to know that he ruined a perfectly good run for me and managed to annoy me more than anyone today with just two seconds of honking his horn. I wish nothing but cold leftovers and a lumpy bed on him tonight. I am sure that I will overcome this and will be pounding the pavement again tomorrow. Someone has to stand up for pedestrians everywhere and let people know that you can't hold us down. I think I am just the woman for the job.