Currently I Am Obsessed With...

...Pregnancy. Am I pregnant? No. Do I want to be pregnant? Sure....some day...I think. Am I over-the-top, all-consumed, overly interested in people and shows who are or display stories about pregnancy? Absolutely. I have decided to admit this new (well, really, it's not so new but has been growing stronger in the past weeks) because I was reminded of just how ridiculous it has become after receiving a text message from my best friend Jess this afternoon. Instead of exercising like I should have been doing, I was snuggling with my puppies enjoying a late afternoon snooze when the familiar "ding, ding" of my phone interrupted my slumber and I awoke to a message from Jess that read, "Do you watch Giuliana and Bill or E! News?" My reply was not "Yes" or "Why?" It was, "OMG, yes! Is she pregnant??" Now, in my defense, I have spent the past year watching the first two seasons of Giuliana and Bill Rancic's reality show which centers around their marriage and quest to get pregnant, but the thought of her being with child made me ecstatic. Like she's one of my dearest friends and my happiness depends on her baring a child.
Re-dic-u-lous. My further obsession with the Rancics and my master plan to stalk them in Chicago this summer, meet them, come off as totally normal, and make them my and John's new best friends is another blog post entirely. I need to stick to the subject at hand and leave my undying love for G and B for another time.

Even though I am 29 years old, I have acquired much of my knowledge regarding being pregnant from the MTV phenomenon 16 and Pregnant. Not A Baby Story or something equally as grown up- I am staying true to my soul and sticking to what I know best which are TV shows that aim to hit the females age 13-24 bracket. I don't know what it is about 16 and Pregnant that keeps me glued to the TV. Part of me thinks that I watch it because it gives me hope- if these girls can do it with no job, no man, and no common sense, than an educated, married, fairly well-off woman like myself with a wonderful husband who will be a great father should be able to do it...right? RIGHT? When I see these girls and their ever-growing bellies stuffed under Hello Kitty tank tops or their cheerleading uniforms I can't help but think, "Boy, I am at a much better point in my life than they are. What are am I waiting for?" It really chokes me up when they have a fight with their baby daddy over such important topics as him meeting other girls for ice cream at McDonald's or his inexplicable need to work on his monster truck instead of rubbing their young partner's feet or making them a peanut butter and jelly. I also can't believe the strong emotional reaction I have when their babies are actually born. You would think that I was the baby's godmother or something. As each show comes to an end and MTV forces the girls to sit in front of the camera and cry about how they would take everything back if they could, I can't help but wonder how their kids are going to feel when they watch that very tape 16 years from now and realize that not only their mother but the whole world thought that, at the time, their very existence was not only a colossal mistake but a learning tool for the youth (and the not-so-youthful) of America.

Another reason that I seem to be obsessed with pregnancy is that some of my nearest and dearest friends have had children recently and I see how they are the most AMAZING mothers ever. I had no doubt they would be- they are awesome friends and motherhood just seemed to come naturally to them. We had a great weekend together not too long ago where we spent the entirety of Friday night downing drinks and talking about conception, pregnancy, and birth. It was like a no-holds-barred Health class with alcohol. Five years ago, every single one of us sitting around that table would have looked at each other and said "We're talking about having BABIES? Chug your beer and call a cab- we're goin' to the bars!" which just goes to show how much things change in such a short period of time. This particular conversation focused a lot on what happens during the birthing process and the possible ripping, tearing, and defecating that can sometimes be involved at that time. That should be enough to scare anyone away, right? Not me. I was on the edge of my seat looking at my friends like they were George Clooney, hanging on EVERY WORD. Pooping while delivering my precious child? Sure! Bring it on! Meanwhile, our husbands were on the couches inching the volume on their active game of Wii Bowling up higher and higher to drown out the sounds of our discussion. The comforting thing to know is that, if one day I find myself with child, I know that I have fantastic friends that will help me through it and I can one day proudly join them in the Mommy Club.

Speaking of the Mommy Club, it is inevitable that once you become pregnant with a child, you usually end up having to raise it too. I think that's part of the deal. I have visions in my head of rocking a baby to sleep in my non-existent wooden glider, singing lullabies to him or her and watching them sleep while the moon shines softly on their perfect, round face. I also have visions of me, hair standing up every-which-way, haggard with no sleep, trying to get the little monster to eat while he or she screams his or her brains out while the neighbors knock on our door and threaten to call DCFS on us. Fast forward a few years and I see us having a little four year old who just says "the darndest things" to the delight of everyone around, looks cute in his or her Sunday best, and always has a hug and kiss for mommy and daddy. The opposite vision is a four year old who says "the darndest things" to the fat lady in the grocery store, falls in puddles face first in his or her Sunday best, and throws tantrums at the most inopportune times to the embarrassment of mommy and daddy. Finally, as my pretend fetus approaches graduation, I see him or her as the star of the basketball team, on their way to IU (or anywhere but Purdue) and thanking us for all of the time and attention we gave to him/her. Or...getting a call from the principal (again) because our kid was caught dealing pot in school (again), taping their very own episode of 16 and Pregnant, and finally scoring a part-time job and Johnny's Tap so that we can visit them "whenever we want." The thought of parenthood is scary! I am sure that everyone experiences a big, fat mixture of the scenarios above, but it sure makes me wonder how I ended up OK. What magic guide did my parents read to make sure that I didn't drink or do drugs or drop out of school? I only hope that whatever it was, my mom has it stored somewhere along with her wedding dress or my baptismal gown and is just "waiting for the right time" to give it to me. Time will (hopefully) tell.

Here ends my rant about my latest obsession. I am sure that it will not wane but only grow stronger until something newer and cooler comes along. Until then, you can find me with a pint of Rocky Road, bawling over 16 and Pregnant which will hopefully hold me over until Jersey Shore returns in July. Maybe my dreams will come true and J-Woww will become pregnant this season and two of my MTV faves will combine to become one: Spray Tanned and Pregnant....anyone?