The End of Our Journey

So it's been a million years since I last posted and I'm not going to lie- it will probably be a million years before I post again. If you're wondering how I'm doing with my P90X journey, I'll let you know- I'm not. I did it religiously up until my brother's wedding in South Carolina (which was AWESOME) and then the summer was so busy and full of travel that I just couldn't keep up with it. I will say that it 100% worked for me the way I needed it to and I fully intend to use it again in the future. When I feel like it.

 I felt like I needed to write this post to document a milestone in my life as a mother to Tenley. This past weekend was the end of our nursing journey together. I have been nursing Tenley since the day she was born. Although it was a bit difficult at first, I didn't have near the trouble that I had feared and it became a pretty easy relationship between her and I. Aside from the fact that she ate every two hours for the first 3 months and took 40 minutes to do so, the rest of the time has been pretty effortless. I can only hope that future children (God willing) take to it as easily as Tenley did and, in turn, my body takes to it as easily as it did this time around.

 I had been thinking for a few months (at least 4) that I should start to try and wean Tenley. No part of me really wanted to stop nursing- it wasn't inconvenient in any way, I wasn't having to do it anywhere away from home or any time except for when she first woke up and before bed, and it was such a special time to spend with her when she is at her cuddliest. On the other hand, I didn't feel like she was getting a whole lot when she was nursing and worried about the amount of milk she was actually drinking. She wasn't taking to whole milk (or any milk) very well, so in my mind it meant that she wasn't really getting much milk overall. When we went to her 15 month appointment, the doctor told me that if I am still nursing twice a day then I shouldn't be giving her any other milk because it will use up her calories and she won't be hungry to eat meals. We went with that for awhile, but in the beginning of October things changed a bit.

 During late September we were in the kitchen and I opened the fridge to get some water. Tenley came over and kept frantically reaching for the middle shelf. I asked her what she wanted and after going through several items, I deduced that she was reaching for the milk. We weren't even keeping whole milk in the house because she wasn't drinking it fast enough (or at all) to warrant the purchase, so I gave her a bit of our skim milk and she sucked it right down. For the next few days, she did the same thing. What I did notice, though, is that her appetite was suppressed because she was drinking the milk (score one for Dr. Stroman!), so on a weekend trip to my mom's, I just decided to cut out the morning feeding. She didn't protest at all. It's like that feeding never existed and she drank her milk out of a sippy and has done so in the mornings ever since.

 The before bed feeding was one that I wasn't willing to give up so easily. She still readily took it and would even pop her pacifier out of her mouth when she saw me reaching for her Boppy. At least, up until last week. I noticed that when I went to get her into position to nurse before bed, she didn't take her pacifier out. I wondered if this was a sign that she was ready to be done but didn't really want to believe it. Then, on Friday night, John and I decided to go to a movie and John's mom watched Tenley. She gave her a sippy of milk before bed and she went right down. I decided to do the same the next night and she took it without any protest, hence (a bit) abruptly ending our nursing-before-bed tradition.

I know it's all a part of her growing up, but it made me a bit sad. I even teared up a little as she was drinking that milk the first night, but had to tell myself that it was a GOOD thing because she is growing and knows what she needs. Now, we are getting into a nice morning and evening routine which still includes snuggle time, just not any boob action. I don't let her watch TV during the day (not because I have any problem with it, more because we try to play and get work done) but I have started settling down with her before bed, giving her a sippy of milk, and watching one episode of Little Einsteins. She loves this and, when I tell her it's time to do this, she takes my hand and leads me to the bedroom. She knows that this means it's time to get cozy for bed. In the mornings, we snuggle, drink milk, and watch a bit of Sesame Street or Doc McStuffins. This again is a time for us to snuggle, wake up, and get some milk. I am coming to love these times just as much as our old routine and, a week out, am actually kind of happy to have my body totally to myself again for a bit.

 So that's my story. My baby girl is growing up in so many ways and this is just one of them. She talks more every day, even calling Rudy "Ru Ru" which is pretty much the cutest thing ever. I look forward to more milestones that we will go through together, even if they make me a little sad at first. I am proud of myself for nursing her for 18 months and realize it is only because my body and my baby cooperated with me and that I'm lucky that it happened that way. If it doesn't work for future children I may be disappointed at first, but know that formula feeding can be just as special as long as we make it that way. I'm just thankful that I had this time and experience with Tenley and will look back on this time of my life fondly forever.