Manners and Being Kind

I pride myself in being someone with pretty good manners. It may not be the most humble thing to say, but I feel that if you were to ask someone about my character they would say that I am 'nice' and perhaps even 'polite.' I can remember my mom and dad encouraging me to say 'please' and 'thank you' constantly when I was a kid, so much so that it seemed unnatural NOT to be courteous to someone. I'm sure I had my moments, just like anyone else- times when I was grumpy and unappreciative to the lady at the grocery store or was in too much of a hurry to thank a gas station attendant- but, overall, I think I've done a pretty good job. It just seems that being kind and courteous is the right thing to do- which surprises me that so many people have not received this memo. This post is probably going to get super judge-y and will most likely defeat the whole purpose of writing it in the first place but, since it is my post and freedom of speech is a thing, then I guess it's better to do it here than anywhere else.

I have noticed lately that Tenley is becoming more polite. I, like my mother before me, have the same broken tagline of "What do you say?" when my kids ask for something or after they receive what they have asked for. As small children, they used to look at me blankly or, on some really great instances, yell at me like I was an old person who couldn't hear, a la "I SAID I want a CUP OF MILK!" My favorite times still happen once in awhile where they will ask for something and I will just stand around and wait for them to say 'please.' Many of those times they continue to go about what they are doing and, after they finally realize that their wishes have not been granted, they look at me and put two and two together. A simple 'please' causes me to spring to action, grabbing whatever it is that they need. We are getting to that delicate place in their young lives, though, that they can start doing a lot more for themselves. They are getting very close to learning that a 'please' will not get me to walk across the house to get the water bottle that is sitting JUST out of reach of their little grasps. The 'please' is appreciated, but does not always guarantee success. If someone came up to you and said, "Hey, can I please murder you?" you wouldn't say, "Well, since you asked nicely..." You get what I mean. Getting back to Tenley, I feel that there has been some sort of parenting breakthrough because now, more often than not, she is saying not only 'please' but 'thank you' or 'thanks, Mom!' or on occasion 'thank you very much, mommy!' to which I pat myself on the back and think, "I'm finally doing something right!" And I'm taking full credit for this because there is no way that her teacher is having that much of an effect on her, right? Right? Her teacher is pretty great, but I'm still going to claim this one. Luke, on the other hand, still has a ways to go...


Most of the time, when people have the sense to have good manners, they are also prone to be kind. In my mind, it is better to be kind than not to be. A lot of times, people tell me that I'm "too nice." What's wrong with that, though? I don't feel that (most of the time) I am getting walked all over. I want people to be nice to me, so why wouldn't I be nice to others? There are times, though, that being kind is a complete freaking chore. I ran across a meme on Facebook today posted by one of my sorority sisters that reads as follows:

Oh my goodness, is this not the truth? We've all had those days where we are just pushed to our limit and all we want to do is punch someone in the throat and use the fact that they were being a total jack bag to justify it. Like, why do I always have to be the bigger person? 9 times out of 10, when I am attacked for something totally unnecessary or someone is trying to engage me in an argument, I just close my eyes and remain calm because what is arguing going to do? People that enjoy arguing usually do not want to stop to consider anyone else's opinions, so what is the use of arguing with them? I just tell myself that I know that I am right and it doesn't matter if no one else thinks so. But that 1 time out of 10 that I just can't hold it in? Watch out. Because you may find yourself down a testicle or, at the very least, viewing smoke exploding from my ears. Because a person can only take so much before they lose their ever-loving mind. It takes a lot to set me off, and some people can push my buttons MUCH faster than others...I will leave the names of those button pushers up to you to surmise. Some general rules of thumb when dealing with me in the hopes of not pushing the few buttons that make me explode:

1. Don't ask for my opinion and then argue with me as to why my opinion is wrong or not good enough. If you aren't going to take my advice or even consider it, DON'T ASK ME. For the record, I am a counselor by trade, so a lot of the time my advice is fairly decent. I'm not talking about anything political or religious here. I'm talking about when you ask me about things like whether you should wear a red shirt or a black shirt and, when I give you my opinion, you argue with me about all the reasons you SHOULDN'T wear the one I suggest. Then why did you ask me? And, for the record, I could probably care less what color shirt you wear.

2. Don't expect me to be your secretary. I would expand on this but it will literally make me cut the next person that comes in here out of pure frustration, so I will spare said next person that horrible fate.

3. Don't be Tyra Banks. Just don't.

I don't think the above stipulations are that difficult to avoid. Basically listen when I have something to say (especially if you ask me to say something), keep track of your own stuff, and don't be a crazy amazon woman. Simple enough, right?

All of this leads me to the point that I am trying to convey. Don't be an asshole. A nicer way to put it is to be kind to others and they will be kind to you. When the Golden Rule was created, I don't think that it took rocket science to realize that it was good stuff. If you want to live your life being a jerk then good luck- there will be a special place in purgatory waiting for you where all you will hear are my kids yelling, "I SAID I wanted a MILK CUP!" That should be enough for you to say 'please,' 'thank you,' and think before you speak. It not, then God help your soul.